Apr 112013

Here’s a piece of new fiction I am playing with:
Business Lies
“I wanted to say ‘Fold it nice? Dude, if you weren’t standing right there I’d be peeing on the motherfucken blanket!” I must have gotten louder than I realized because someone at the next table burst out laughing.
“Sorry,” she waved her hand at me, still laughing, “I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, that was just a really funny line to overhear.”
“To hear it out of context, it was hilarious,” the guy she was sitting with twisted around in his seat to look at me.
“The lesson is, don’t piss Allen off,” Gordon was shaking his head and laughing. Gordon knew the people at the next table better than I did. He knew everyone in the lunchroom better than me. “Especially if he has access to your personal affects.”
“I was just telling Gordon about my new position.” It hadn’t missed anybody’s attention that I was in a new department, but it didn’t seem like anybody had any idea how it all came about. Some people even assumed the change was my choice; they must not have considered the pay cut that came with the change.
“How are you liking it in the storeroom?” He turns his chair around, still eating his lunch.
“It’s pretty great, actually…for a kick in the balls.”
He raises his eyebrows and tilts his head at an inquisitive angle, chewing a bite of his sandwich.
“The switch to the storeroom wasn’t my choice.”
“Really? So how did that happen?”
I look at Gordon. I can’t read his face at all. I want to ask him, “should I tell the story again? Is there anyone in the lunchroom I shouldn’t say this around?” As Gordon just smiles at me expectantly I realize that there isn’t anyone I don’t want to hear this. I’m not going to bring it up and sound like a whiny bitch about it, but if you wanna know, hell yeah, I’ll tell you all about it.
“It went down like this,” I’m talking so that the whole lunchroom can hear me. “Curly calls me into Pam’s office. Moe is sitting behind Pam’s desk. First thing he tells me is that it won’t all be bad news, then he blames me for these two invoices that Curly double-processed. One of these invoices I was out of town when it was handled, but both of them were handled the same, by Curly. Before I can bring this to Moe’s attention , however, Moe tells me there is no use going into details because the official reason I’m being let go is that I am paid too much for my position. Moe says it happens sometimes when someone has been in the same position for a long time, getting raises every year.
“Like I said, though, it’s not all bad news,” Moe’s face is solemn and serious, so I don’t believe him. “ ‘The two of us,’ he motions at Curly, ‘And Larry all agreed that as reward for your ten years of loyalty –(I’m serious, these were his words “a reward”)- Terry can offer you a position in the storeroom…at a considerably lower wage of course.’ Moe has obviously forgotten that he has told me that offering a storeroom position (that mostly nobody ever takes) is how he makes sure no one can ever collect on unemployment.”
“That is seriously fucked up, but whose blanket were you going to pee on?” He’s finished his lunch and now he’s ready for a story.
“I’m getting there.”
To be continued next week.
Just show up to the page.